Takeaways from the Election

Wajahat Ali



– This election was a clear mandate for Muslim gay weed smoking socialist immigrants seeking marriage equality. Rainbow colored mud pies stuffed with marijuana for everyone!

– Accordingly, Fox News now prepares for the 4 horsemen and attack of zombie Marxists.

– Nate Silver is to statisticians what Jeremy Lin is to Asian American NBA players – he has officially made them accepted, sexy and mainstream (now a viable career for South Asians?)

– Islamophobia is a losing strategy (Joe Walsh and Allen West lost, Bachmann came close. West can slither into irrelevance much like his flat-top fade)

– Ignoring “diverse” communities (this includes Whites, btw) and appealing solely to angry Whites is basically ignoring America (or, “the 47%”)

– Never mis-underestimate the power of a binder full of women running for Senate

– Karl Rove is so fringe and conspiracy-addled he even disturbed his fellow Fox Commentators last night with his unhinged comments

– Television pundits are mostly useless

– Pro-Obama South Asian Americans spontaneously erupt into Bhangra dancing upon hearing election results

– The country remains bitterly divided and the fringe extremists, albeit small in number, still exist

– People in D.C./Virginia get really dressed up for election parties (nerds)

– Never underestimate the passion and power of the youth

– Cakes made in the shape of Obama should be both chocolate and vanilla, but filled with frosting and buttery goodness

– Nate Silver should have Thug Life tatted on his chest and can flick lit cigarettes into the envious, doubting eyes of incompetent pundits for at least a week

– You can win elections without seriously engaging climate change or immigration reform

– Billionaire Sheldon Adelson’s money doesn’t buy you an election, only an awkward, gaffe filled trip to Israel

– Over 70% of Jewish and Muslim voters unite on electing Obama, and nearly 35% of registered voters unite in believing our Christian President is Muslim and/or Jewish (that’s a real statistic, btw)

– Last night, Americans finally heard the death rattle of Whiteness – an ideology of supremacy based on politics and rhetoric of exclusion

– In the impending sharia controlled Islamic America, I really want to be the Caliph of Caliphornia, or, at the very least, Fremontistan.


2 thoughts on “Takeaways from the Election

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